Admitting reality

Reality:  I’ve neglected the blog for over three weeks.

Those initial good intentions to write two posts per week have been supplanted by demands from other parts of my life.  I wish it were otherwise–that I could recreate history and relive those weeks with the discipline that started this Wizard venture.

So what does this have to do with ease?  It’s about telling the truth, about admitting reality. How often do we carry guilt and unease because we are denying something that is truly true?

While absorbed in the work that took me away from the Wizard, I’ve held a sore spot in my emotional consciousness–remorse, regret, recriminations for disappointing you dear readers, and disappointing myself.

But instead of admitting it, I continued to go along thinking maybe the problem will go away or I’ll fix it eventually.  Ha!

The remedy: ‘fess up to reality.  Then something can be done about it.

Reminds me of the first step in Twelve Step programs:  “We admitted we were powerless over (addiction)…”  Just plain admitting it starts a process that eventually leads to a life of greater ease.

Anybody else out there have trouble admitting reality?

To your ease!

Pat Daniel, Ph.D.

© 2011, Pat Daniel and wizardofease.com.
Posted in Emotional Ease | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cooling the context for ease

Millions of people in the U.S. have been experiencing day after day of extreme heat. Records are being broken throughout the country for temperatures and drought. Over the past year and more, we’ve endured severe weather events to make our heads spin and our wallets thin.

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It’s times like these when we need to look at the environmental and political context for our personal ease. How is it possible to be comfortable and relaxed while worrying about the threat of heat-related health emergencies? Where is the ease in losing your home and personal belongings in a tornado or flood?

Of course there are many things we can do to ease the stress of the external circumstances such as the current heat wave–stay in air conditioning, drink extra fluids, be flexible about daily plans, let go of expectations, be mindful of others who are in need.

But this post is not about personal measures to ease our bouts with weather and climate. It’s about taking responsibility for understanding the larger context in which these trends are occurring.

Consider, for example, the piece by Heidi Cullen in the New York Times a few days ago, or Thomas Friedman’s review of the new book The Great Disruption.

There comes a point when we need to understand that in order to insure some sense of ease over the long term, we need to look at external circumstances in our world, and specifically the impending climate crisis.

Try this:  Get involved in the effort to cool the planet — for your own sake, and for the ease of future generations:

To your ease!

Pat Daniel, Ph.D.

© Pat Daniel, Ph.D. and wizardofease.com, 2011.
Posted in Physical ease, Taking Action with Ease | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s your margin?

How much margin do you have in your life?

  • Are your days filled to the edges, with no “white space” to spare?
  • Is your desk overloaded with papers and other objects, with no extra space available?
  • Is your checkbook suffering from negative margin–i.e., not enough funds to cover expenses?
  • Are you always the last breathless person to board the subway, train or plane?
Paper margins

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Inserting some ease into your life has a lot to do with “buffers” or reserves — the extra time, space, energy and other resources that you have to spare. If you chronically run on low margin, you’re probably not feeling easeful, and you’re adding unnecessary stress to your system.

In his book, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Dr. Richard Swenson describes the equation “Power – Load = Margin.”  Power includes the various resources (e.g., strength, time, supports) you have available. Load refers to responsibilities, expectations, and obligations. If the load is greater than the power, you have no leeway or extra capacity to handle the demand.

Try this:  Begin paying attention to margin in your work and personal life. Notice how close to careen toward deadlines, how tired you are at the end of the day, how pinched you are for pennies.

Consider what kinds of buffers you could create to give your life a greater sense of spaciousness and room to maneuver. What could you do today to give yourself the gift of margin?

To your ease!

Pat Daniel, Ph.D.

© 2011, Pat Daniel and wizardofease.com.
Posted in Stress Management, Taking it Easy with Time, Tools for Ease | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Clarity creates ease

Clarity facilitates ease in work and in life. Just think about what happens when you’re not clear:

Mirroring a landscape

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  • When we’re uncertain about the purpose of work or the parameters of the task, we aren’t efficient with our use of time.
  • If we don’t have clarity about our goals in life, we have a hard time moving forward.
  • When we’re not clear about what the problem is, then we can’t fix it.
  • When we don’t know the root of the problem, then the attempted solution probably won’t work anyway.

Achieving clarity is one of the easiest ways to foster greater ease—whether in managing a project, finding a new job, navigating a life transition, or just being happier and more satisfied with life.

Clarity is about discernment, bringing a greater sense of understanding and focus to an issue. When we do achieve clarity, we are often surprised by how quickly the issue is resolved or resources become available. It’s as if the bewilderment and resistance melt away so that energy and change can flow uninhibited.

Quakers use a practice called the Clearness Committee. It’s a group of people who help the “focus person” achieve greater clarity about an issue in their life, whether spiritual or practical.

The committee meeting follows a process that includes the focus person describing the issue and committee members asking neutral questions–i.e., questions without opinions, solutions, or hidden agendas masked within them. Through this process, the focus person’s layers of confusion are gently peeled away, exposing an inner guidance that knows the answer.

Try this:  Consider where in your life or work you might need clarity. In what ways do you feel befuddled, aimless, or uncertain? Try being your own clearness coach and write about it until the issue comes into greater focus and definition. Or ask some trusted friends or colleagues to serve on a Clearness Committee for you.

To your ease!

Pat Daniel, Ph.D.

© Pat Daniel, Ph.D. and wizardofease.com, 2011.
Posted in Mental Ease | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Driving the speed limit

For the past few years, I’ve been driving at or below the speed limit.

“How quaint,” you say. And how very fascinating for me to experience the world from the vantage point of a complete misfit.

Speed limit sign: 45 MPH

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This is Massachusetts, after all—where road rage and rudeness can rival any other place on the planet. Our drivers are famous for defying all attempts at civilizing the asphalt and concrete commons.

So I mosey along in my hybrid Toyota Prius, coaxing every mile per gallon that I can out of the electric motor coupled with gas-fired engine. Watching the computerized display, I see that when I exceed about 55 or 60 mph, the fuel efficiency drops significantly.

But even more to the point, I’ve made a conscious effort to insert some ease into my driving and my experience of the road. Rather than attempt to keep up with the other drivers who race past me at least 10 miles above the speed limit, I motor along feeling relaxed and safe.

Instead of the trees and birds and buildings rushing by in a blur, I have time to notice details, to be curious about back roads and new happenings along the route.

My driving the speed limit drives other drivers crazy. That gives me a glimpse into the level of insanity that is the norm among people in our culture today.  People have become so accustomed to rushing through their lives that they have habituated to a level of speed that is beyond what is safe or what is reasonable in this era of high gas prices and wars fought for oil.

Try this: Next time you get into the driver’s seat, create a clear intention to drive at or below the speed limit. As you drive, notice what happens within you and around you, and how easy or difficult it is to follow your intention.

Then share your experience by leaving a comment on the blog.

To your ease!

Pat Daniel, Ph.D.

© 2011, Pat Daniel, Ph.D. and wizardofease.com.
Posted in Stress Management, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Declare your independence

Yesterday in the U.S., we celebrated Independence Day, a recognition that our nation was born of a desire for freedom from tyranny. Yet many of us have our own personal struggles with some form of “oppression” that gets in the way of our sense of freedom—our sense of ease.

U.S. Declaration of Independence

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What interferes with your feelings of self-determination? What saps your energy and your options in life? Perhaps it’s one of these:

  • A habit or addiction that drives your decisions and leaves you feeling out of control
  • Unfinished tasks that cause guilt and overwhelm
  • Limiting beliefs or old thought patterns
  • Chronic problems with money management and debt
  • A relationship or job that’s going nowhere

Try this: Write your own personal Declaration of Independence. Here’s a template to get you started:

I hold this truth to be self-evident, that I am endowed with certain unalienable rights, that among these is the pursuit of happiness. That to secure this right, I must be released from the tyranny of _________ in my life.

The history of my experience with _________ is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of a tyranny over me. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.  Specifically, my experience with _________ includes: _________, ___________, and ____________.

Thus, _________, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free person.

Nor have I been wanting in attentions to _________:

  • I have attempted to fix _________.
  • I have read books about _________.
  • I have hired or asked someone else to repair _________.
  • I have ____________.

Yet _________ has been deaf to the voice of justice and rationality.

Therefore, I, ___(your name)___, do solemnly publish and declare, that I am and of right ought to be free and independent, that I am absolved from all allegiance to _________, and that all connection between me and _________ is and ought to be totally dissolved.

And that as a free individual, I have full power to take actions to insure this independence, including _________, ________, _________, and to do all other acts and things which free individuals may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, I pledge my sacred honor.

Signed ______________________    Date ____________

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